I would grit my teeth together and clench my hands, feeling like a time-bomb ready to explode, the stress building up in me, toxic and deadly. Any second and I would either burst into tears or run around like a crazy woman screaming.
But there was no time for tears or craziness so I hacked away at my problems as my baby continued in her loud grumpy activities and I attempted to write while my creative juices were being sapped away by my on-edge nerves.
Then, lunch time came around, and that meant I should drop everything and heat up the squash and veggies and feed that grumpy baby. Maybe if I fed her she would become quiet and tranquil again. I hadn't heard her laugh all day.
I set up my little munchkin in her high chair, prepped her food, and made a sandwich. Then, like any good multitasking mom I attempted to type up a story and eat my sandwich while feeding my baby and having 1-on-1 time with her. And, you guessed it, that just wasn't working. I'd feed the baby a bite, take a bite of my sandwich, turn back to my keyboard and my girl would start slapping the table and wanting more.
Seriously, I should have stopped there. I should have forgot about everything except the baby and her food. I should have even forgot the sandwich. But I kept trying to be superwoman, growing ever closer to tears as everything seemed impossibly crumbling around me. Then, when I had turned around in a vain attempt to type at least one stinking word on my silly little story I heard the sound that will aggravate every mom in the world...a squeal followed by a splatter, followed by a giggle.
My motions were slow as I turned back around to see that, oh yes, I'd left that bowl of mashed veggies too close to her and now they were EVERYWHERE. I blinked. I gulped back my tears and my baby froze, staring at me, knowing something momentous had occurred and it very likely had to do with the squash and mashed potatoes in her hair, down her shirt, smeared on the high chair, and slopped over the table.
And then, like sun cracking through the clouds, she smiled. Then I smiled. She giggled and something eased within my chest, the pressure being leaked out as I shook my head and laughed.
It took me an hour to recover from that mess. The baby still needed to be fed and then the disaster area and child both needed to be cleaned up. And my munchkin and I took a break from my deadlines and to-do lists and found true comfort in our laughter and love for one another. Strangely, the rest of the day was happy and quiet. The baby wasn't grumpy but then, I wasn't either anymore.
I think God gets frustrated when we try to shut out part of this world, especially the blessings He showers us with. In a moment of extreme stress I didn't want to focus on anything but my problems while God was trying to draw me away from my worries with the beauty of a child He blessed me with. Problems need to be taken care of and worries should be acknowledged, but never shut out joy.
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence...