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Now

7/30/2013

Today I wanted my baby to grow up NOW. It wasn't a pretty line of thoughts. She got into my neatly folded laundry and created pile of disaster. She refused her favorite food because SHE wanted to use the spoon. It was immensely funny to her when I stubbed my toe and no matter how dirty her diaper was she was seriously inconvenience by having to spend a couple minutes on the changing table.

I was DONE with her. I put her down for a nap and put my head in my hands as she loudly protested that there were better things to do than sleep. I daydreamed of caps and gowns and this vague future when she will leave my home.

And then I stopped.

What was I doing? Wasn't this the child I'd ached for? Planned for over the years? Hadn't my arms felt hungry to hold her and that first time I looked at her face my love for her had been so consuming.

STOP..STOP..........Lora, stop.

God gave me her. She is so precious and anxious to learn and I need to be here for her...now. This moment is what counts...not today or tomorrow, because I have no idea what those days will bring. But here, this day, this moment...I'm her mother, here to love her and teach her. God has given me everything needed and right to make it through.

I breathed. I lifted my head to the stillness of the house and walked to her bedroom. Peeping in the door I saw her already sound asleep, the little toy giraffe tucked beneath one arm and her dark hair falling over her forehead. Precious. Perfect. My daughter.

If parenthood can't teach you to live in the moment then nothing will. Every day is full of its own pains and triumphs and if I focus on tomorrow, I'll miss the beauty of today.

Photo by Eren

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That Much Tougher

7/26/2013

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I was talking to a close friend of mine today, a military wife whose husband is going on deployment soon. She made a comment that stopped me in my tracks, made me pause. She said that her marriage and her faith in God were stronger now than before her husband entered into the service. While she hated the thought of going through the long months without her loved one, worrying for his safety every moment, she was still thankful for those trying times. Tears filled my eyes and my heart rejoiced. Not only was her attitude positive, but she was also preparing her mind, heart, and soul for those months ahead through prayer and Bible study, sharing what she was learning with her husband . Her choice to do all this instead of wallowing in self-pity and anger was inspiring.

Oh! How I wish I could see all my trials this way

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I remember to thank God for teaching me, for pushing me, for tossing away that comfortable security blanket I keep trying to throw over my head when presented with a task that seems more than I could ever handle. Because God knows we can if we would only gently lean on Him.

My friend, during her time on base, has watched the stresses of deployments and trainings rip and tare families and marriages. Confronted with the months of surviving without their partner or parent, some desperately take paths that lead to intense hurt. But others fight through the fire and emerge tougher, welded together through the heat, ready for whatever the world throws at them next.

God, show me the beauty of my trials! Teach me to believe that you are ever shaping me into something better. Help me to choose the paths that lead towards your glory and you precious plans for my life.

Photo by Brett Jordan

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Always Hungry, Never Full

7/18/2013

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One of my dearest friends is happily anticipating her third child. Her body is working over-time as it creates a precious baby and it needs fuel to do its job successfully. She was telling me that she is ALWAYS hungry. As soon as she finishes one meal she is anticipating her next. Her stomach never seems to fill, never seems to get enough. And while yes, she must do her best to eat healthily, she also recognizes that the need for nutrients is real.

These days you could say that she has a passion for food.

What do we have passion for? I could easily say I have a passion for food too, and I don't have my friend's beautiful condition as an excuse. I could also admit to having a passion for reading, for gardening, for the latest TV show that has me addicted to its weekly showing. All those things take up my time and a part of my heart. If I really allowed myself true self-inspection I have a feeling I would be more than a little embarrassed. Where is my passion for God? For His words? For His presence?

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." Matthew 5:6

I remember that feeling, of always being hungry, when I was pregnant with my little girl. My need to eat was a driving instinct to my help child grow and to prepare my body for motherhood.

That is the kind of spiritual hunger our Heavenly Father wants us to have, I'm sure. He wants us to open our Bibles, read his word, and still crave more. He wants us to pray with him, talk with him, and still feel that we could never get enough of His presence in our lives. Because we are ever growing and changing spiritually and the best and only fuel comes straight from our loving Lord.

God, help me grow this passion for you. Let me always to hunger for your goodness and thirst for your peace and guidance.

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Lost

7/13/2013

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There might be nothing scarier than watching someone you love forget about God. I was talking about this with a close friend of mine the other day. Someone we love, a woman from the generation before us, is going through a time of struggle. What we didn't understand was where God's voice in her life had gone. She used to be one of those people that read her Bible daily and her walk with God was sweet and intimate. Somewhere along the way she lost that connection and hasn't tried to get it back.

Why?

So much in her life has fallen apart. But it happened slowly like an abandoned home--wind and rain crumbling away the structure and eating away at the foundation.

You watch it happen to someone you love and you feel so powerless. You know, and they know, that God will help them rebuild everything that is precious, but they have to be the one to take that first step. Everyone around them is waiting with their hammers and fresh bricks and boards, eager to help them. But the home doesn't belong to the eager helpers and they can't step on that property without permission.

Why? How does this happen? Besides the fact that I must watch someone I love struggle so much, do you know what else scares me? The haunting possibility that somewhere down the road this might happen to me.

When I was talking about this to my friend she said it seemed our lives go through seasons. In the spring our walk with God is fresh and exciting. The summer sees growth and warmth fill our relationship with him. In the fall we look back at what kind of harvest those seeds of grace have brought to us. And then, sometimes a winter creeps in.

We empower the devil to bring the cold season into our life when we let the things of this world push God to the sideline. His voice in our heart becomes harder for us to hear. God is speaking to us just as loudly as ever, but our focus has fell to other things. We have to stop and retrain our hearts to listen.

I pray daily for that loved one of mine.
God still claims her as His child. There is always hope for Spring again and all the glory that follows.

I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.

Ecclesiastes 3:14

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The Lord's Peace, the Devil's Turmoil

7/11/2013

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Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

The moment he stepped in the house, his eyes shining with excitement, and triumphantly asking, "Do you want to go to Argentina? I might have a job there." I knew. A wave of peace crossed over me and I knew that it was what we've been waiting for. I hadn't even heard what the job was.

But God had provided. Here me and my husband had been anxiously going over and over our options, not able to decide where to go or what to do when he graduated from the university and it was only a couple months away. He'd done well, he had a lot of great opportunities, but nothing felt right. Then, when we saw Argentina on the horizon it felt like someone had gently showed how to get out of the maze and onto our life road.

Ok, I was excited and nervous as well, but the peace that we were doing the right thing overrode the other emotions. Even when people told us we were crazy (and only slightly jokingly) I wasn't worried. This was what God wanted for us and we were going.

However, it took only one phone call and my world broke into pieces of uncertainty, doubt, and grief. Some one I loved and cared about deeply, a friend I kept close to my heart, had called me up to bluntly tell me she didn't want me to go. She needed me to stay close. She wanted to see my children be born and watch them grow up. She wanted to have coffee with me and talk about books and go to the movies. And you know what, I desperately wanted all those things too.

Getting on the plane suddenly seemed like a vehicle to broken relationships and hurt friendships.

I didn't talk to anyone about it for a while. But, one day, sitting with a colleague at work I brought it up. I told her I didn't know if I could go anymore. The lady, a sweet friend and Christian seemed surprised, "But you were so excited, so certain about it, just a week ago."

I nodded and bit my lip. "I don't think I'm doing the right thing by my family and friends though. I just don't know anymore."

"Lora," she said seriously. "We all have to make these big decisions. Everyone does. Do you know how God lets us know when we are going the right way? Peace. We'll have peace. But the devil likes to destroy peace with uncertainty. If you have doubts and worries now, they're not from God."

I blinked and suddenly remembered that feeling, that certain peace when my husband had told me about the job. And after some prayer and deep breaths that peace washed over me again. Argentina was the right road.

And it really was. That whole 2-year experience changed my world. It strengthened my marriage. It reinforced my faith and cultivated my personal strength. And all those friendships and relationships that I had then are still intact and even richer as we learned to share our lives over the di.

But I wonder if I hadn't sat down that morning with my co-worker and bared my soul to her, if I would have gone at all. God used her to help me understand what He had been trying to tell me all along.

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Freedom

7/3/2013

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For centuries, immigrants have been coming to America so they can live in a land of freedom. For them, liberty is so precious, that they give up everything to have it. They leave behind homes, clothes, possession, and even ties to family and friends. They know that freedom is worth the price.

But true freedom can only come through a life lived in God’s presence, listening to his spirit dwelling in our hearts. And that freedom is amplified when we come to God and leave behind all the cumbersome things and draw us away from true communion with him. True freedom is giving our whole life to Him.

This morning I read a prayer in my daily devotional by Billy Graham, “Our Father and our God, thank You for the great liberty I have through Jesus Christ. I recognize that my freedom came at an enormous price to You and Your Son. And I bow in humble gratitude to You for that amazing gift. Help me to take the Good News about Him to the tired, the poor, the lonely masses who are longing to breathe free. Through Christ, the Liberator. Amen.” ¹

Amen!

¹Graham, Billy (2010-12-28). Unto the Hills: A Daily Devotional (p. 215). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

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