Category: - Everyday Miracles

The Victory

11/17/2014

All of us have or will have to experience times of difficulty, hardships, and defeat. Sometimes, when you are going through this pain it is a brutal thought to realize God allowed it. He allowed your body or the body of a loved one to be injured or have a horrible sickness. He allowed you to lose your job. He allowed you to be in a car accident. Or maybe he allowed even the loss of someone you hold dear.

Oh, and it is so difficult at these times to power through on a faith in our God. A faith that He is doing all things for good. A faith that there will be victory in this time of extreme defeat.

Its been a hard thought for me, for sure. During that rough pregnancy, the early birth and various sicknesses of our twin girls, and the continuing hardships I clung to an idea that faith would preserve me and prayer would protect me...but it didn't keep the things I feared away from me. I still gave birth early, lost a child, and had my world tossed and turned into complete insecurity.

Oh, it hurts that God did not stop it.

My perfect, holy, and loving God allowed it.

And then this morning I came across a story that put it all into new perspective for me. It was the story of Lazarus. (John 11) Jesus was told of Lazarus' sickness and chose not to go to him until Lazarus was already gone. But the death and subsequent resurrection of Lazarus was a powerful demonstration of God's power, glory, and love. Jesus, though it hurt him deeply to allow such pain for Lazarus and his sisters, knew what he was doing.

And in the end, he did all he promised to do. He saved Lazarus from death.

Then I realized that God's glory has been shown. Even in these times of hurt I have victory. And the funny thing is, to me the victory has been faith. Having survived things that could easily pull families and lives apart, we are stronger now than ever before. And then I saw it...

Faith preserved me.

Prayer protected me.

My heart was not hardened through the fire but has an even greater ability to love.

Isn't that a miracle?

My faith, though challenged dearly through this super-long and painful year that my sister accurately has dubbed "The Job Year", is just as strong and maybe even stronger.

But what brings tears to my eyes is the fact that I didn't do this. I know I didn't. There were hours of completely darkness, terrible days of weakness, anger, and despair. I did not keep myself from falling away from God.

No.

God kept me close to him and didn't let me fall.

"For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock."
Psalm 27:5

Courage to Fall in Love With My Premature Babies

8/6/2014

At first I was afraid to love them. Ashamed I even dreaded going into that room where their little bodies lay under plastic, hooked up to monitors, their lungs moving as machines ensured their lungs would breathe and liquid running into their veins made sure they kept on living. Every time a doctor walked up to us I felt like I was dying, just a little. Every time the phone rang my heart would drop. My world was torn and I was trapped in a nightmare. If they survived, the doctors said, they would stay in the hospital for months.

I stood on the brink, ready to jump into one of two deep pools. Because I could no longer stay where I was and remain sane I could feel my heart falling either into a deep resentment for what God had allowed or a faith that would challenge me to see each moment as a gift.

I stood on that brink far too long, building up walls, trying not to have to take responsibility for anything.

But then I jumped.

Suddenly a face obscured by plastic tubing was beautiful. The eyes that blinked out at me from below an IV line were precious. And those girls that scared me more than death itself became my daughters.

I fell deep deep into a love that will never break.

God gave me this. He gave me the courage to take a chance on a broken heart. He gave me the strength to step forward when fear was holding me in place. He showed me how to laugh during times of grief and smile even when disaster seems eminent.

And today I’m holding my girls again. My arms wrap around their growing bodies, devoid of IV lines with lungs that nearly hold their own in the world. I know, as surely as if it were a palpable, touchable thing, that grace is real. That miracles happen.

Newborn photos by Falling Star Photography

But I Want to Right NOW!

6/6/2014

This morning I made the horrible mistake of putting my two year-old's shoes on ten minutes before it was time to be loaded up into the van. Of course in her rational head if Mama puts shoes on her it must mean that it is time to go. So, I had to listen to ten minutes of a toddler's tantrum while I sadly thought it would be so nice if I could just explain to her that it isn't smart to wait 10 minutes sitting in your car seat and that this would be an ideal time to practice being patient. Ha!

But, as I thought about all the life lessons I wanted to teach and tell my precious little girl, I grimaced and suddenly identified with her frustration. After all, even today, right now, I'm impatient. I want to have my babies (I'm huge, hot, and uncomfortable as I get increasingly enormous). I want my husband home with me (I really really miss him). I want to have my life back on my own terms. And I want it all NOW.

Yes, sometimes I do act just as unreasonable as my two year-old.

I'm ashamed when I look back and realize how impatient and silly I have been during certain seasons of my life. Like when I wanted to graduate from high school as soon as possible. Like when it felt like I would never get married or when I just knew it was grossly unfair that I didn't have children yet. And then, when I do get pregnant I spend the last two months wishing I could get that baby out of me and then wishing I could put her back in when I found out how nerve wracking a newborn can be. I suppose I must join the rest of the human race who have always wanted it all and wanted it NOW.

Just making a guess, but I bet God watches a lot of this nervous pacing and angry foot-stomping, shakes His head, and wishes we would listen when He tries to assure us that there is a better timing for what happens in our life, that it will all happen in His great timing, and this would be a really wonderful time to develop some patience.

Yes, He is right.

When will I learn this great lesson? When will it be instilled in my heart so that I might carry around His peace no matter what season my life is in?

In Time. In time.

Because it takes time to truly learn a lesson like this and completely hone such a precious skill. And each time we come across a situation in which we must be made to wait, we will be given the opportunity to grow into that peace.

Ok, since my impatience will not change how fast I get the things I want, I will practice patience. I will practice trust in God to guide my paths. I will practice faith in His promise of perfect timing.

"through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Romans 5:2-4

Photo by Mindaugas Danys via Flickr

At the End of the Road

5/19/2014

What if the babies are born so sick that our lives are changed forever? What if they spend weeks in the NICU and need intensive health care for years? How will our lives be changed? How will our marriage be? What will our home be like? Where will we live?

I woke up with those thoughts in my head this morning, my pulse pounding, my heart full of anxiety. I prayed, asking God to forgive my fears and to help me have faith. But I had no peace. No peace at all. And the worries assaulted me, stealing joy.

Suddenly, though I've been trooping along with such a positive attitude, I bottomed out on all my optimism, all hope, and all faith.

It feels like things might be coming to a pointhead, like any visit to the doctor will give me the news that the babies are coming, ready or not. And, this weekend, I was also physically miserable with all the discomforts that usually assault pregnancy around 8 or 9 months--because I'm actually that big now. I'm uncomfortable, even in pain with those normal and somewhat nasty side-effects of having your abdomen quadruple size. But, I could have three more months to go and there were moments during the last few days that it felt impossible.

So, I woke up this morning with a grim face and thoughts full of fear.

I knew it was wrong. I knew it wasn't the mindset God wants of me. But I was struggling to break free of it. I felt depleted of any quality that might carry me through whatever is in store. Because surely, whatever will happen in the next few months will be challenges of a magnitude that might break me.

Oh, God. How do I live through it, face it all and not be beaten down into something that changes me into bleakness? How?

All I can say, is God truly loves me. He must. Because this morning He took the time to answer me, to soothe me, to bring my peace back home, to give me strength that will get me through it all, through anything. His truth shone through in a small passage of the Bible:

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
Colossians 3:12-14

Love. That was the answer. Worries over my babies, my marriage, my future are truly unnecessary. God will show me how to deal with every challenge and I can face it all with a peaceful heart full of love. Loving the people around me I will have strength to be exactly the person God needs me to be..a strong person full of joy and hope.

I just need to focus on love. If I'm pregnant and miserable for the next three months, it will be more than bearable focusing on the love for my unborn children. If these little ones come early, full of health problems, I can stay strong, compassionate, and patient as I love and nurture my growing family. Oh, and how silly to worry about our marriage. My husband's love he has for his little girls and his wife is a brilliant thing, a precious miracle all in its own. We will be fine. Love will get us through it all. Through God our love is endless, without boundaries, and more than capable to carry us through.

Photo by James Wheeler via Flickr

Not Fearing His Plans

5/12/2014

I can't count how many times over the years I've called my Mom or Dad for comfort. It was a rough week again. I'm in the hospital. This time it is for a shortened cervix--the only thing that hadn't yet went wrong in this pregnancy. I'm here on bed rest until the babies come and fighting fear with almost every breath. We're only at 23 weeks. My little girls need more time if they are to survive.

So, I'm listening to the ever comforting voice of my Dad yesterday when something he says shoots straight to my heart. "Sweetheart. God has given you these babies for a reason. They are special to Him. They must be. Look at what they have already survived. He has great plans for them."

He has great plans for them. For my unborn babies. He knows their futures. He knows their hearts, the same hearts He's healed, defying all odds.

And when all this hit me, I felt humbled. He is allowing Me to be their mother. He picked my husband to be their father. He has entrusted us with two souls that are special to him.

So I prayed. I prayed for Him to guide me. Help me be the mother these little ones need. Help me not be afraid, because He wouldn't have set this before me if He hadn't known I was the woman for the task.

Funny, isn't it? If you read that verse proclaiming that God has great and good plans for us, you can face any challenge with peace. Peace that the world is just as it should be.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Wherever we are, whatever challenges, tasks, worries, and hurts we face, we can face the great plans God has for us and have no fear.

Permission to Hug

4/30/2014

It happened all day long. My little girl would stop playing, come find me and lift up her arms. Her toddler babble informed me that she wanted a hug, but with my twins in my tummy taking up all my lap space I couldn't hardly lift her up for a cuddle. She didn't mind. I would sit on the floor or invite her up to the couch with me and she'd fall across into my arms in just a way that we were both comfortable. And she stayed and stayed.

Of course, my mind would race with worries. Is she sick? Why isn't she playing? Should I be doing this? Am I spoiling her?

Oh, but in my heart of hearts I knew a great truth--she needed this. She needed to be held, to be hugged and kissed, and reassured for whatever reason. And each time I held her I knew by the way my shoulders relaxed and my eyes closed blissfully, that I needed it too. Holding her felt so right, a balm for my hurts and for whatever she feels she is missing these days.

I forget her life has taken a tumble too. I've been sick, I've left her with her grandparents for a whole fortnight. When I got her back she was enrolled in daycare and I have to let others do most things for her such as bathe, dress, and cook for her. When she comes to my arms I can feel that her natural instinct is to find that reassurance. And, as her mother, that is probably one of my favorite jobs.

I know that as parents we worry about spoiling our children. We want to guide them to independence, good manners, and respect for others. It is a tough, tough job. But I also know that just as in every other aspect of our lives, the Holy Spirit guides us in how we take care of these little souls entrusted to us. So often I pray, God, am I doing right by my daughter? Is this the way? And if I listen to His voice I know the answer. Yes, parenthood is a road full of discipline, providing good examples, and making sure our children are prepared to succeed in this world. But parenthood is first and foremost an act of love. Everything we do for them, from time-outs to putting an extra half-cookie on their plates, is something we do out of an unconditional love.

Therefore, yes, I have permission to cuddle, hold, and reassure my daughter as much as her heart desires. Who knows, maybe she needs a few days of this to feel steady again on her feet. It is one of the few things I can do for her and I'm so thankful to have a precious daughter to fill my aching arms these days.

Love is patient. Love is kind.
1 Corinthians 13:4

Photo by familymwr via flickr

The Expert Grumbler

4/24/2014

Each one of us is an expert grumbler, a professional complainer, a bonafide pessimist. We're so good at it that we can spill forth those negative words and complaints without having to give it a second thought. We're so adept at throwing around our misfortunes that we can do it without thinking, looking at life through muddy lenses instead of rose-colored glasses. It is just so natural.

And it is ridiculously sad.

I'm so guilty of this. Ask me three months ago what my ideal day would be and I would have told you that I would love an entire day in bed to read, write, and nap to my heart's contentment. Then came the doctor's orders: Bed rest and I'm upset at my predicament. I have been given the order to rest until the babies come and I feel like I'm in prison.

Oh, Lora, you are such a child still. God has so much pruning to do of your heart and soul.

And I can't spend dozens of weeks viewing my life like this. I can't be constantly looking at my life and feeling useless and scared. I can't. I won't. Because as Christians we are more than conquerors.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
Romans 8:37

We are to be more than conquers in whatever situation God places us. That means we are not just to survive, but to work with God to turn it all into examples of beauty and growth.

After praying about my grumbling attitude this morning I took a deep breath and decided to conquer and rise above the predicament life has placed me in. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop following doctor's orders. No, it means that I am going to grow with this and let it all begin to show God's blessings. No more grumbling. Time to practice a different skill--praise, thankfullness, adoration.

Jesus answered them, "Do not grumble among yourselves."
John 6:43

In what situation have you become an expert grumbler? Have you a job that seems to get under you skin? Are your children going through a difficult phase and you just want them older? Have you been injured or fallen sick and pain and inconvenience threaten to steal your happiness? Perhaps you've lost a relationship and life feels low and sad. I challenge you to be more than a conqueror. Don't just survive. Let your heart and life move you beyond disappointment so you can see how beautiful are God's blessings.

Photo by CGP Grey

My Cup Runneth Over

4/18/2014

Everyone STOP. Please, right where you are, just pause, and take a moment to celebrate with me. Today is so beautiful. It is Springtime and the world is full with the promise of life. I can feel two baby girls move within me and today was the first time the doctors have been so hopeful, so excited about my little ones' change and growth. God is so GOOD.

But what made this moment so much bigger for me was when I realized it was Good Friday. Today I also celebrate the most precious gift of all--forgiveness. Forgiveness that allows me into the presences of God and fills my very being with the Holy Spirit.

The sun shines so brightly today and I smile with it. And the Psalms I learned as a child dances through my heart.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Psalm 23

Oh, yes! I have everything I need in my relationship with God. Whatever blessings of children, health, and family my Heavenly Father blesses me with is simply extra beauty to be gathered in my life. How beautiful is His love for us, His children.

And it is because of Jesus that we have this to claim, that we can pray to Him, talk to Him, and feel the answers to our hurt and heartache through the peace that reigns through our soul.

I hope you take a moment to celebrate. We all have so much to thank God for. Happy Good Friday and Happy Easter to you all!

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty."

John 6:35

Photo by D Sharon Pruitt via Flickr

God is a Hard Taskmaster

4/16/2014

God, help me to not worry. Show me how I can learn and grow. Teach me to rely on You. Help me strengthen my faith.

I've prayed that prayer thousands of times over the years. I've been a professional worrier since I could toddle. So concerned with the "what ifs" of life I had ulcers around the time I was ten years old.

And as I grew up I realized how great a sin worry is and how desperately my heart needed to be purged of such unfaithful habits.

Slowly, but surely, I did start to change, started to change habits of worry into habits of faith. But, I am still very good at over-planning, over-thinking, over-analyzing problems to the point that I can make myself sick. And with my imagination I don't just consider possibilities, sometimes I even live through them in my head. I can imagine a situation in such detail that I'll be in tears over something that hasn't and might not ever, happen.

Worry is the crack in which the devil hurts me the deepest.

And, I kept praying and praying for God to show me how to change, how to shield my heart and mind against the attacks that I keep inviting into my life.

Well, God is truly a hard taskmaster. I am now getting moment-by-moment lessons on faith. Every second the reality of possibly losing my unborn babies is thrust before me and yet there is still hope that several weeks from now I might hold two healthy baby girls in my arms.

I cannot live but to focus only on what today brings me and not live in fear of what tomorrow might hold. Prayers constantly cross my lips, heart, and mind and a habit that I once thought impossible to learn has now become a necessity for survival. As Jesus said, I must not "worry about tomorrow for today has enough worries of its own." God is teaching me how to live for today and have faith that he will get me through all tomorrow will bring.

I love my Teacher. He has taken a firm hand in making sure I learn and grow. He has listened to my pleas and daily teaches me lessons that strengthen my faith.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
Matthew 7:7

Photo by Leland Francisco via Flickr

All Things for Good.... Even This

4/11/2014

Use it all God. Every hurt, Every heartbeat. I give it all to you. You use all things for good. Use me.

As I pray those words I can feel it, like a spring bulb emerging from the soil, life is coming out of the coldness and promising beauty.

Right now, my life is in a tender season where every hurt is deep and hard and every joy is brilliant as the sun.

God, in His great wisdom, has given me identical twin girls who now a battle a rare sickness before they are even born. And this has thrown my world upside-down. I left my husband in Russia to see the amazing medical professionals here in the United States. I left my daughter with my mother-in-law while I underwent surgery this week. I lie in bed now trying not to let every worry and doubt shatter my faith into pieces.

But, with every breath, I feel strength of a new and amazing kind burn within me. God is taking me to new heights, burning away the old and replacing it with a new kind of love and power that comes from Him.

And everywhere I look I start to see the changes and am amazed. I am closer to my mother-in-law, loving and appreciating her undaunted insistence to care for her family. I see and admire the strength and love of my sister who has taken me in to care for me even as she juggles her own full life. I thank God daily for the courage and trust of my husband who always knows just what to say to take away my worries and encourage me and I can feel his loving arms around me even though we are oceans apart.

Even when I had to go to Houston for surgery and every moment was a challenge just to remember to focus and breathe and pray, I was blessed with physicians, surgeons, and nurses who cared enough to hold my hand and even hug me in the hard moments. And my brother-in-law who has no experience with pregnancies and babies, took time off of work so that he could see me though the procedure, make me laugh in the hospital, and see me safely back home again.

I can see God smiling at me through every crack in this topsy-turvey world. His love shines out at me through a thousand souls who pray for us, hug us, love us, and offer a helping hand.

So, God, let me not see this as a time of pity, but a time for your power. Use it all for Your great good. I give it all to you.

Photo by Fountain_Head via Flikr