I've prayed that prayer thousands of times over the years. I've been a professional worrier since I could toddle. So concerned with the "what ifs" of life I had ulcers around the time I was ten years old.
And as I grew up I realized how great a sin worry is and how desperately my heart needed to be purged of such unfaithful habits.
Slowly, but surely, I did start to change, started to change habits of worry into habits of faith. But, I am still very good at over-planning, over-thinking, over-analyzing problems to the point that I can make myself sick. And with my imagination I don't just consider possibilities, sometimes I even live through them in my head. I can imagine a situation in such detail that I'll be in tears over something that hasn't and might not ever, happen.
Worry is the crack in which the devil hurts me the deepest.
And, I kept praying and praying for God to show me how to change, how to shield my heart and mind against the attacks that I keep inviting into my life.
Well, God is truly a hard taskmaster. I am now getting moment-by-moment lessons on faith. Every second the reality of possibly losing my unborn babies is thrust before me and yet there is still hope that several weeks from now I might hold two healthy baby girls in my arms.
I cannot live but to focus only on what today brings me and not live in fear of what tomorrow might hold. Prayers constantly cross my lips, heart, and mind and a habit that I once thought impossible to learn has now become a necessity for survival. As Jesus said, I must not "worry about tomorrow for today has enough worries of its own." God is teaching me how to live for today and have faith that he will get me through all tomorrow will bring.
I love my Teacher. He has taken a firm hand in making sure I learn and grow. He has listened to my pleas and daily teaches me lessons that strengthen my faith.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."