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But I Want to Right NOW!

6/6/2014

This morning I made the horrible mistake of putting my two year-old's shoes on ten minutes before it was time to be loaded up into the van. Of course in her rational head if Mama puts shoes on her it must mean that it is time to go. So, I had to listen to ten minutes of a toddler's tantrum while I sadly thought it would be so nice if I could just explain to her that it isn't smart to wait 10 minutes sitting in your car seat and that this would be an ideal time to practice being patient. Ha!

But, as I thought about all the life lessons I wanted to teach and tell my precious little girl, I grimaced and suddenly identified with her frustration. After all, even today, right now, I'm impatient. I want to have my babies (I'm huge, hot, and uncomfortable as I get increasingly enormous). I want my husband home with me (I really really miss him). I want to have my life back on my own terms. And I want it all NOW.

Yes, sometimes I do act just as unreasonable as my two year-old.

I'm ashamed when I look back and realize how impatient and silly I have been during certain seasons of my life. Like when I wanted to graduate from high school as soon as possible. Like when it felt like I would never get married or when I just knew it was grossly unfair that I didn't have children yet. And then, when I do get pregnant I spend the last two months wishing I could get that baby out of me and then wishing I could put her back in when I found out how nerve wracking a newborn can be. I suppose I must join the rest of the human race who have always wanted it all and wanted it NOW.

Just making a guess, but I bet God watches a lot of this nervous pacing and angry foot-stomping, shakes His head, and wishes we would listen when He tries to assure us that there is a better timing for what happens in our life, that it will all happen in His great timing, and this would be a really wonderful time to develop some patience.

Yes, He is right.

When will I learn this great lesson? When will it be instilled in my heart so that I might carry around His peace no matter what season my life is in?

In Time. In time.

Because it takes time to truly learn a lesson like this and completely hone such a precious skill. And each time we come across a situation in which we must be made to wait, we will be given the opportunity to grow into that peace.

Ok, since my impatience will not change how fast I get the things I want, I will practice patience. I will practice trust in God to guide my paths. I will practice faith in His promise of perfect timing.

"through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Romans 5:2-4

Photo by Mindaugas Danys via Flickr

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At the End of the Road

5/19/2014

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What if the babies are born so sick that our lives are changed forever? What if they spend weeks in the NICU and need intensive health care for years? How will our lives be changed? How will our marriage be? What will our home be like? Where will we live?

I woke up with those thoughts in my head this morning, my pulse pounding, my heart full of anxiety. I prayed, asking God to forgive my fears and to help me have faith. But I had no peace. No peace at all. And the worries assaulted me, stealing joy.

Suddenly, though I've been trooping along with such a positive attitude, I bottomed out on all my optimism, all hope, and all faith.

It feels like things might be coming to a pointhead, like any visit to the doctor will give me the news that the babies are coming, ready or not. And, this weekend, I was also physically miserable with all the discomforts that usually assault pregnancy around 8 or 9 months--because I'm actually that big now. I'm uncomfortable, even in pain with those normal and somewhat nasty side-effects of having your abdomen quadruple size. But, I could have three more months to go and there were moments during the last few days that it felt impossible.

So, I woke up this morning with a grim face and thoughts full of fear.

I knew it was wrong. I knew it wasn't the mindset God wants of me. But I was struggling to break free of it. I felt depleted of any quality that might carry me through whatever is in store. Because surely, whatever will happen in the next few months will be challenges of a magnitude that might break me.

Oh, God. How do I live through it, face it all and not be beaten down into something that changes me into bleakness? How?

All I can say, is God truly loves me. He must. Because this morning He took the time to answer me, to soothe me, to bring my peace back home, to give me strength that will get me through it all, through anything. His truth shone through in a small passage of the Bible:

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
Colossians 3:12-14

Love. That was the answer. Worries over my babies, my marriage, my future are truly unnecessary. God will show me how to deal with every challenge and I can face it all with a peaceful heart full of love. Loving the people around me I will have strength to be exactly the person God needs me to be..a strong person full of joy and hope.

I just need to focus on love. If I'm pregnant and miserable for the next three months, it will be more than bearable focusing on the love for my unborn children. If these little ones come early, full of health problems, I can stay strong, compassionate, and patient as I love and nurture my growing family. Oh, and how silly to worry about our marriage. My husband's love he has for his little girls and his wife is a brilliant thing, a precious miracle all in its own. We will be fine. Love will get us through it all. Through God our love is endless, without boundaries, and more than capable to carry us through.

Photo by James Wheeler via Flickr

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Not Fearing His Plans

5/12/2014

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I can't count how many times over the years I've called my Mom or Dad for comfort. It was a rough week again. I'm in the hospital. This time it is for a shortened cervix--the only thing that hadn't yet went wrong in this pregnancy. I'm here on bed rest until the babies come and fighting fear with almost every breath. We're only at 23 weeks. My little girls need more time if they are to survive.

So, I'm listening to the ever comforting voice of my Dad yesterday when something he says shoots straight to my heart. "Sweetheart. God has given you these babies for a reason. They are special to Him. They must be. Look at what they have already survived. He has great plans for them."

He has great plans for them. For my unborn babies. He knows their futures. He knows their hearts, the same hearts He's healed, defying all odds.

And when all this hit me, I felt humbled. He is allowing Me to be their mother. He picked my husband to be their father. He has entrusted us with two souls that are special to him.

So I prayed. I prayed for Him to guide me. Help me be the mother these little ones need. Help me not be afraid, because He wouldn't have set this before me if He hadn't known I was the woman for the task.

Funny, isn't it? If you read that verse proclaiming that God has great and good plans for us, you can face any challenge with peace. Peace that the world is just as it should be.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Wherever we are, whatever challenges, tasks, worries, and hurts we face, we can face the great plans God has for us and have no fear.

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Happy Mother's Day!

5/10/2014

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The words of God shows that motherhood is incredibly important to Him. Know that he watches over you, gives you strength for each day, and a heart willing to love beyond all reason.

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:10-30

Photo 1 by Vinoth Chandar via Flickr
Photo 2 by David J Laporte via Flickr

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Misery Looking for Company

5/8/2014

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I knew I looked about as bad as I felt. I kept putting my hand on my lower back and trying to keep the small collection of cards and children's cold products from falling to the floor with my chocolate shake from Sonic. I hadn't changed out of the t-shirt still plastered with my daughter's boogers and my hair was crankily hanging from a lopsided pony-tail. And, oh dear, I was so tired.

This is why the doctor's don't want me leaving the house, I realized, because I have about as much energy as a generic AAA battery. Plus, I felt worried and guilty. My daughter had a sinus infection and I should have brought her to the doctor earlier. My sister had to come straight home from work and go back out with me, my fussy toddler, and her own needy 4-month-old so we could go to the doctor's clinic and the pharmacy. Walgreen's was so busy that they said it would be about 30 minutes before the prescription for antibiotics could be filled.

Towards the counters was a small line of chairs and I did the waddle-walk unique to all large expectant mothers, until I reached a padded seat. Then, as if there was no grace left, I simply flopped myself down with a loud "thwack" onto the plastic upholstery.

Someone else was there, a middle aged man with a similarly pained expression. I gave him a little smile as he said, "Getting close?"

Close to my due date? Ha! But it's not like there is a sign on me that says "twins" so I manage a tiny chuckle and reply, "Nope, just half-way. I've got two in here."

His eyes were so gentle as he asked, a little more subtly, "How are you feeling? I remember those days. My wife always was so miserable."

I brushed it off, told him I'd had worse days. I mean, after all, I was only tired, not suffering from shingles and worrying about undergoing surgery to correct my babies' placenta.

But, when I asked him the same question it opened up a wealth of information. He was in a lot of pain. Something I would never had known with his gentle eyes and understanding smile. He was reaching out to give sympathy to a pregnant woman when he himself was suffering such severe sciatic nerve pain that he could hardly walk. Something tugged in my heart and instead of crawling into my own world of misery I shared with his. We spent the next fifteen minutes joking, sharing, trusting each other with personal insights. The pharmacist called my name and I almost felt disappointed, a feeling mirrored in his eyes as well. For a few moments, life had seemed more tolerable because we were sharing it with someone else who understood that level of misery.

Funny how that happens. I connected with a fellow soul with so much ease because they understood where I was at and was going through it themselves. I realized that is why I have joined three groups online for moms on bed rest and complicated pregnancies. It is nice to reach out and connect with others who understand because they are there too.

God doesn't give us any challenge without a purpose. I am daily reminded of this. Today I found yet another example of how he molds our hearts to better understand the needs of others.

What challenges do you face that make you uniquely capable of sympathizing with others? Do you have a troubled marriage, financial issues, difficulty completing your education, or a family member who is seriously ill? Remember that what you go through uniquely makes to capable of truly reaching out to others. God uses all things for good.

Hope you have a BEAUTIFUL day!

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Permission to Hug

4/30/2014

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It happened all day long. My little girl would stop playing, come find me and lift up her arms. Her toddler babble informed me that she wanted a hug, but with my twins in my tummy taking up all my lap space I couldn't hardly lift her up for a cuddle. She didn't mind. I would sit on the floor or invite her up to the couch with me and she'd fall across into my arms in just a way that we were both comfortable. And she stayed and stayed.

Of course, my mind would race with worries. Is she sick? Why isn't she playing? Should I be doing this? Am I spoiling her?

Oh, but in my heart of hearts I knew a great truth--she needed this. She needed to be held, to be hugged and kissed, and reassured for whatever reason. And each time I held her I knew by the way my shoulders relaxed and my eyes closed blissfully, that I needed it too. Holding her felt so right, a balm for my hurts and for whatever she feels she is missing these days.

I forget her life has taken a tumble too. I've been sick, I've left her with her grandparents for a whole fortnight. When I got her back she was enrolled in daycare and I have to let others do most things for her such as bathe, dress, and cook for her. When she comes to my arms I can feel that her natural instinct is to find that reassurance. And, as her mother, that is probably one of my favorite jobs.

I know that as parents we worry about spoiling our children. We want to guide them to independence, good manners, and respect for others. It is a tough, tough job. But I also know that just as in every other aspect of our lives, the Holy Spirit guides us in how we take care of these little souls entrusted to us. So often I pray, God, am I doing right by my daughter? Is this the way? And if I listen to His voice I know the answer. Yes, parenthood is a road full of discipline, providing good examples, and making sure our children are prepared to succeed in this world. But parenthood is first and foremost an act of love. Everything we do for them, from time-outs to putting an extra half-cookie on their plates, is something we do out of an unconditional love.

Therefore, yes, I have permission to cuddle, hold, and reassure my daughter as much as her heart desires. Who knows, maybe she needs a few days of this to feel steady again on her feet. It is one of the few things I can do for her and I'm so thankful to have a precious daughter to fill my aching arms these days.

Love is patient. Love is kind.
1 Corinthians 13:4

Photo by familymwr via flickr

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The Expert Grumbler

4/24/2014

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Each one of us is an expert grumbler, a professional complainer, a bonafide pessimist. We're so good at it that we can spill forth those negative words and complaints without having to give it a second thought. We're so adept at throwing around our misfortunes that we can do it without thinking, looking at life through muddy lenses instead of rose-colored glasses. It is just so natural.

And it is ridiculously sad.

I'm so guilty of this. Ask me three months ago what my ideal day would be and I would have told you that I would love an entire day in bed to read, write, and nap to my heart's contentment. Then came the doctor's orders: Bed rest and I'm upset at my predicament. I have been given the order to rest until the babies come and I feel like I'm in prison.

Oh, Lora, you are such a child still. God has so much pruning to do of your heart and soul.

And I can't spend dozens of weeks viewing my life like this. I can't be constantly looking at my life and feeling useless and scared. I can't. I won't. Because as Christians we are more than conquerors.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
Romans 8:37

We are to be more than conquers in whatever situation God places us. That means we are not just to survive, but to work with God to turn it all into examples of beauty and growth.

After praying about my grumbling attitude this morning I took a deep breath and decided to conquer and rise above the predicament life has placed me in. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop following doctor's orders. No, it means that I am going to grow with this and let it all begin to show God's blessings. No more grumbling. Time to practice a different skill--praise, thankfullness, adoration.

Jesus answered them, "Do not grumble among yourselves."
John 6:43

In what situation have you become an expert grumbler? Have you a job that seems to get under you skin? Are your children going through a difficult phase and you just want them older? Have you been injured or fallen sick and pain and inconvenience threaten to steal your happiness? Perhaps you've lost a relationship and life feels low and sad. I challenge you to be more than a conqueror. Don't just survive. Let your heart and life move you beyond disappointment so you can see how beautiful are God's blessings.

Photo by CGP Grey

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My Cup Runneth Over

4/18/2014

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Everyone STOP. Please, right where you are, just pause, and take a moment to celebrate with me. Today is so beautiful. It is Springtime and the world is full with the promise of life. I can feel two baby girls move within me and today was the first time the doctors have been so hopeful, so excited about my little ones' change and growth. God is so GOOD.

But what made this moment so much bigger for me was when I realized it was Good Friday. Today I also celebrate the most precious gift of all--forgiveness. Forgiveness that allows me into the presences of God and fills my very being with the Holy Spirit.

The sun shines so brightly today and I smile with it. And the Psalms I learned as a child dances through my heart.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Psalm 23

Oh, yes! I have everything I need in my relationship with God. Whatever blessings of children, health, and family my Heavenly Father blesses me with is simply extra beauty to be gathered in my life. How beautiful is His love for us, His children.

And it is because of Jesus that we have this to claim, that we can pray to Him, talk to Him, and feel the answers to our hurt and heartache through the peace that reigns through our soul.

I hope you take a moment to celebrate. We all have so much to thank God for. Happy Good Friday and Happy Easter to you all!

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty."

John 6:35

Photo by D Sharon Pruitt via Flickr

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God is a Hard Taskmaster

4/16/2014

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God, help me to not worry. Show me how I can learn and grow. Teach me to rely on You. Help me strengthen my faith.

I've prayed that prayer thousands of times over the years. I've been a professional worrier since I could toddle. So concerned with the "what ifs" of life I had ulcers around the time I was ten years old.

And as I grew up I realized how great a sin worry is and how desperately my heart needed to be purged of such unfaithful habits.

Slowly, but surely, I did start to change, started to change habits of worry into habits of faith. But, I am still very good at over-planning, over-thinking, over-analyzing problems to the point that I can make myself sick. And with my imagination I don't just consider possibilities, sometimes I even live through them in my head. I can imagine a situation in such detail that I'll be in tears over something that hasn't and might not ever, happen.

Worry is the crack in which the devil hurts me the deepest.

And, I kept praying and praying for God to show me how to change, how to shield my heart and mind against the attacks that I keep inviting into my life.

Well, God is truly a hard taskmaster. I am now getting moment-by-moment lessons on faith. Every second the reality of possibly losing my unborn babies is thrust before me and yet there is still hope that several weeks from now I might hold two healthy baby girls in my arms.

I cannot live but to focus only on what today brings me and not live in fear of what tomorrow might hold. Prayers constantly cross my lips, heart, and mind and a habit that I once thought impossible to learn has now become a necessity for survival. As Jesus said, I must not "worry about tomorrow for today has enough worries of its own." God is teaching me how to live for today and have faith that he will get me through all tomorrow will bring.

I love my Teacher. He has taken a firm hand in making sure I learn and grow. He has listened to my pleas and daily teaches me lessons that strengthen my faith.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
Matthew 7:7

Photo by Leland Francisco via Flickr

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Inspired by a Young Author

4/15/2014

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A young woman recently contacted me, wanting to share her story on my miracles blog. Her life-story is beautiful. She had a rare sickness as a child and grew up with a strong Christian faith as she dealt with things that some adults would have trouble surviving. I asked her to write her story and introduce herself on my blog. I look forward to reading the Christian Fantasy Novel that she has published and am blessed to meet another Christian sister.

              I Prayed for the Words.
                    By E.J. Norris

I begin telling this tale by saying that we serve an incredible God; he who the mountains obey and he who parts seas is very much alive in all of us. Every day I praise him for all he has done for me.

When I was about ten years old, happy and carefree, my family and I were startled by the symptoms of a rare medical condition. On the night of the occurrence I was playing happily when suddenly my mouth filled with blood. Terrified and frantic, I rushed to the bathroom and spat into the sink, staining the pearl white red. But more blood gushed out faster than I could spit. My sister ran for my mother who was a trained nurse and managed to hurriedly stifle the bleeding. After she had calmed me she and my father got me into the car and we drove off into the night. I recall that we sang all the way to the emergency room,

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice,

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice,

Rejoice! Rejoice! Again I say rejoice,

Rejoice! Rejoice! Again I say rejoice!

Once surrounded by the white walls of the doctor’s office I was examined by the doctor on call at the time. We explained to him the stunning events of the evening and he was just as puzzled.

        “I can see she bled.” he said. Indeed it was obvious because of the stains left on my shirt. “But I can’t see anything wrong.”

There was no reason to keep me there so we returned home and I, in my child-like mind, was content to forget it. But my mother was not. After all, one doesn’t begin bleeding profusely just because. In our family, God is at the head and she prayed. She received a single, clear answer, “Call the dentist.”

She called my dentist and he said,

        “If it happens again, bring her in. We’ll leave the office open for you.”

Sure enough, what I was content to forget happened yet again. It was a winter evening, as the first incident had been, and I was eating dinner when that same ominous taste came. The second bleed was not as dramatic as the first, but just as troubling. We dropped everything and off to the dentist we went. I expected to sit and wait for awhile like we had in the emergency room, but we were ushered in immediately. X-rays were taken and the dentist looked, observing a shadowed area beneath my molars on the lower right side. Praise God that he realized that this mysterious ailment was beyond his expertise! He put up his hands and said,

“I’m not touching her. I’m sending you to an oral surgeon.”

I was listening, uncomprehending. Oral Surgeon? What’s that?

        It was another waiting room, another office, and another doctor to try and decipher the strange problem. But I know God brought us there because when he examined my case he was stunned and exclaimed that he had just finished a book on this subject that very day! Then, for the first time, the ailment had a name: Arterial Venous Malformation. For treatment he sent us to the expert, the author of the book, in Boston, Massachusetts. That began a cycle of treatment during which I leaned on the Lord as I continued going through school and coping.

        Then came the summer of 2011, the summer before my junior year of high school, I began seeking what the good Lord meant for me to do. I wasn’t sure. Others around me were planning for college and prosperous careers. At that point my greatest love was writing. It was such fun to invent worlds and people and that summer I wondered what would happen if I let God take hold of my pen. What if I prayed for the words? So, I prayed saying,

        “Lord, the pen is yours. What do you want me to do?”

When God leads amazing things happen and within just a few days a Christian based plot came to mind with a fire unlike any story that came before it. After two or three tries at a beginning it came to life on the pages of a large, black journal and it flowed as easily as water. Nothing slowed its progress and it was encouragement and help in my healing as the condition continued. While recovering from a surgery, rather than being

swallowed by my circumstances I waited in anticipation for the anesthesia induced fog in my head to clear. Every morning I would say to myself,

“I wonder if I’ll be able to write today.”

Now, as of April 1rst 2014, that story, The Mirror and The Sword is officially a published novel. How it has grown amazes me! I am nineteen years old and an author! The story continues, for The Mirror and The Sword is just the beginning.

        In sharing this with the world around me it’s my hope that God uses it to touch the lives of all who travel through its pages and if any doubts come to my mind about the future I will try to have faith like a mustard seed and keep in mind my favorite verse.

         “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

                                                  Philippians 4:13

                          God bless you all and keep a smile on.

                                                                                 E.J. Norris

Biography

E.J. Norris was born on July 16, 1994 in Blue Hill, Maine. While hop-skipping between home school, Calvary Chapel Christian School, and Bangor High School, writing evolved from a mere hobby to an obsession. It was inspired by personal beliefs and a struggle through complex medical problems. Through its publication, the author hopes that the adventures of Tenny and Anna will encourage others through difficult times. E.J. currently resides in Orrington, Maine.

Find her book at
https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=978-1-62902-118-8

Or Click on the link below to buy a paperback copy from Amazon.

The Mirror and the Sword

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